Yes I did…I did not, however, invite you to sit, Lieutenant.
WOODS
Sorry, sir.
ORTEGA
Are you aware that we have just lost contact with the Rodger Young?
WOODS
Everyone’s talking about it, sir.
ORTEGA
Well, I have the video feed from the bridge here. I understand you are the designer of the emergency evasion panel, and the footage raises some fundamental questions about that design. Watch with me now, Lieutenant.
ORTEGA PRESSES A BUTTON ON A CONSOLE ON HIS DESK. F/X: VIDEO WALL
ORTEGA
As you can see, immediately after Captain Deladier issues her order, your panel slides up from a recess in the dash.
(He pauses the video)
WOODS
(After a silence)
Is there a question, sir?
ORTEGA
Why is this panel recessed?
WOODS
To prevent accidental activation, sir.
ORTEGA
But it’s an emergency panel. For crisis situations. It takes two incredibly valuable seconds for this thing to dramatically rise up. What else do you imagine that pilot might have done with those extra two seconds?
WOODS
I…
ORTEGA
Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical. Next I need you to not explain this layout. Why aren’t the buttons labeled? What does that second one do, and why does it look exactly the same as the emergency evasion button? Are you deliberately trying to confuse our pilots?
(Stares.)
OK, now I actually do want you to explain something.
(Resuming the video)
Why did you cover the panel in glass? Ibanez—and I can’t believe I’m saying this—punches it.
WOODS
The glass is there also to prevent accidental activation, sir.
ORTEGA
But you already covered that with the time-wasting recession. You know she’s likely to have tendon, nerve, and arterial damage now, right? And she’s a pilot, Lieutenant. Without her hands, she’s almost useless to us. And now, in addition to having a giant, peanut-shaped boulder in their face, they’ve got a bridge full of loose glass shards scattered about. Let’s hope the artificial gravity lasts long enough for them to get a broom, or they’re going to be in for some floating laceration ballet.
WOODS
That would be unfortunate, sir.
ORTEGA
Damn right. Now honestly I might be of a mind to simply court martial you and treat you to some good old Federation-approved public flogging for Failure to Design. But today may be your lucky day. I believe your elegant design decisions were exacerbated by the pilot’s being something of a drama queen.
WOODS
The glass was designed to be lifted off, sir.
ORTEGA
(Resuming the video)
Fair enough. My last question…
ORTEGA
Did I see correctly that all of the lights underneath the engine boost light up all at once? The ones labeled POWER ON? AUTO HOME? NOSE RAM? The ones that don’t have anything to do with the engine boost?
WOODS
And…and the adjacent green LED, sir.
ORTEGA
All at once.
WOODS
Sir.
ORTEGA
(Sighs)
Well, as you might not be able to imagine, we’re moving you. After you collect your belongings you are to report to the Reassignment Office.
(He scrubs back and forth over the drone video of the communication tower ripping off.)
ORTEGA
Out of curiosity, WOODS, what was the last thing you designed as part of my department?
